


Number 240

by i_am_op



Category: Tokyo Ghoul
Genre: AU, Aged up!Ayato, Aogiri!Kaneki, BAMF Kaneki, Enemies to Friends to Lovers, Fluff and Angst, M/M, Slow Burn, alternative universe
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-08-17
Updated: 2018-06-28
Packaged: 2018-12-16 09:18:00
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 12,146
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11825700
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/i_am_op/pseuds/i_am_op
Summary: "Me? I'm just a low ranking subordinate of Aogiri," Kaneki says, giving him a innocent smile."Liar."(Kaneki was born a ghoul and joins Aogiri AU)





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> no one's in this fandom anymore so i'm going to cry if this gets even one kudo

"Pick that up, Ken."

Kaneki dutifully obeyed his mother and reached out to grab the corpse in the middle of the street. He ignored the freezing pinprick-like sensation his fingers felt from the cold and held the corpse up to the best of his abilities.

A hit-and-run.

Kaneki's own mother held up a slack figure of a victim of suicide. Her eyes wandered around the area, checking for any onlookers. Though, it was the middle of the night, hardly anyone prowled the streets.

His grip on the body tightened as it threatened to slip out off his hands. He took deep breaths, watching the misty clouds form from his breath.

"Alright. Hurry up, let's go, Ken," She ushered. She quickly ran, leaving Kaneki behind with his clumsy fingers attempting to hold the body as tightly as possible.

Kaneki quickly tried to run, but the body was so heavy. He couldn't help, but trip over his feet a few times. "W-Wait--"

But his mother didn't wait. Eyes wandering, paranoid to see any onlookers of their midnight activities. Kaneki followed, stumbling five steps behind his mother.

They made their way through the streets without anyone seeing them, to the abandoned warehouse. There was a black car parked in front of the entrance. That meant she was here.

Kaneki followed his mother inside the abandoned warehouse.

The warehouse wasn't anything special. It was abandoned, dirty, and covered in dust, cob webs, and insects. There was nothing inside. Just broke window pane shards and random trash.

But today, it held his aunt. A black-haired woman that looked so similar to his mom, yet was a bit pudgier and younger than her. She wore a black coat today and a white medical mask to cover her face.

"Ken," She curtly greeted her nephew. Her gaze fell on his mother. "Sayu."

"Anyu. I have the body." His mother walked up to her and placed the body in her hand. His aunt lifted it up and slung it over her left shoulder. "It'll last you a week so--"

His aunt shook her head and interrupted her. "Give me both of them."

"B-But, it's been three weeks. Ken and I--"

"You can live without for two months."

"Your husband recovered from his illness, didn't he? You don't need mor--"

"Yeah, but Takeshi isn't feeling well. He'll have to have more meat to feel better. Besides, he's a growing boy," His aunt growled. Her glare focused on his mother intently and unrelenting.

His mother wavered underneath her gaze. "Ken. Go give your aunt the body."

He didn't want to. It smelt good, he was so hungry. But he had to listen to his mother. He had to be a good kid for his mother. So obediently, he dragged the body across the floor towards his aunt.

She took it, slung it over her remaining right shoulder and dragged it to her car without any difficulty.

Kaneki wordlessly watched as she flung them inside the trunk of her car. She closed it with a thud, yet Kaneki could almost faintly smell the delicious smell.

He watched as she droved off, the smell getting fainter and fainter.

His head turned towards his mother. She stared vacantly at the ground before her. Another day without food.

"Ken, are you hungry?" She asked.

Kaneki silently nodded.

"But what can your mother do, Ken? Ayu can't hunt. Her husband can't hunt. Your mother has to do it for her. That's right. As her older sister, it's my duty." His mother's eyes widened as she clutched her skirt as if it was a lifeline. Her knuckles turned white and she started shaking uncontrollably.

Her head shifted towards Kaneki. "We're going to go without food for another day, Ken."

His stomach hurt from the hunger pains he got. He clutched stomach tightly and glanced at the floor, as if burning holes into it. He hesitantly looked up at his mom. "B-But it's been three we--"

A flash of movement abruptly interrupted him in a millisecond.

His mother's kagune pinned him down to the floor. His back and head hurt from the impact. He couldn't breathe. The kagune was tightly pressing against his chest, as if wanting to make him sink to the floor.

He started gasping frantically and attempting to free himself from the kagune. Everytime it struggled, it compressed on his chest, harder than before. It started to hurt and he heard a few rib bones crack.

He starts crying. Tears flow out of his eyes and he coughs frantically, trying to regain breath.

"Ken, it's better to be hurt than to others. Nice people can be happy with just that. You're a nice boy, aren't you?"

The kagune pressed against him deeper if possible.

"I-I'm sorry--" He could hardly breathe, he clutched the kagune in an attempt to pry it off. "I-m sorry, I'm sorry--"

He couldn't breathe, he could hardly speak. He was starting to see black spots appear before his eyes. The world was spinning and his vision was getting blurry, he was--

The kagune lifted and he was able to breathe again, yet not so much. His ribcage was crushed, it was easier to breathe, but not by that much.

He opened his teary-eyed eyes to his mother. His blurry vision was focusing and it focused enough to see the look of despair and hate in his mother's eyes.

It was his fault for wanting. His fault for getting beaten like this. If he hadn't selfishly wanted, he wouldn't be recieveing this punishment.

He shouldn't be such a selfish son. He should be the nice boy his mother always claimed him to be.

He tried to force himself up, but his ribs were too damaged to move. Instead, it hurt. It hurt and he could do nothing, but bite back the urges to yelp in pain.

Not underneath his mother's watchful eyes that seemed to always be judging him with their cold glint.

"It'll heal. Next week, we'll have to look for three bodies."

Even finding two was hard enough, but three? Kaneki wanted to say something, but restrained himself. Besides, he couldn't speak up even if he wanted to. His ribs were broken.

He had higher regeneration abilities than most, but it still took time. He wordlessly watched as his mother walked away from him, back to the house.

He knew his way, he'll just have to return home by lonesome.

***

Kaneki dragged himself home. Broke bones were a bit of a hassle to deal with. He was fatigued and dizzy.

He was used to this. He should've learned not to complain. Not to want.

He sighed and rubbed at his sore ribs which were fully healed by now. It seemed like about an hour had passed.

The cold winter air seemed more colder, now that it was early morning. Kaneki shivered all the way home, a good few blocks away. He sniffled and coughed.

He hoped he wasn't going down with a fever.

In a few minutes, he managed to reach home. He took the spare key from underneath the mat and unlocked the door. He placed it back underneath his mat and went inside.

He closed the door behind him and locked the door shut tightly. It was still fairly cold, having no heater and having let the gust of wind inside, but it was definitely an upgrade from outside.

Kaneki kicked his shoes off and arranged them neatly against the door. For now, he wanted to sleep and forget about his once-broken ribs.

As he walked through the hallways, his eyes caught his father's room. Thoughts of sleep disappeared from his head. 

He furtively went inside his father's room, as quitely as possible. The oaky smell of books hit his nose. It smelled like home and comfort. This always has been his comfort zone whenever he was starving or covered in bruises and had broken bones.

Maybe after a few books he'll sleep, he decided. So he took a book out, spread it out on the floor and began reading.

He fell asleep after two books and one, "The Metamorphosis."

* * *

Three bodies instead of two seemed to be the usual number of bodies they scavenged for. It was an tacit, unspoken agreement that his aunt got two, while they got the remaining one.

She always drove off with them every once a week in her car.

This time around, Kaneki refrained from saying anything against his mother. He tried being as compliant as possible, never speaking up or saying anything with new resolve.

But despite that, she still broke bones, brusied him, and left him on the ground. Begging for his life, hating himself, and sorry's leaving his mouth as if it was a prayer.

It  _hurt_.

The feeling of not being able to breathe, no matter how many times he's experienced it, still scares him.

His body aches and he feels lightheaded.

He feels like he's going to die. He doesn't know how many times he's left like this.

Today is no different. It hurts and the pain feels endless. He choking on his own saliva as black and blue form everywhere on his body.

The sound of a bell ringing stops the feeling.

His mother lets him go, her kagune retreating and her eyes turning normal. She turned and walked out the door. Kaneki watches her leave the room, to the living room to open the door.

He strains his ears and he faintly picks up the conversation.

"Hello?"

"Are you Kaneki Sayu?" 

"Yes, I am. What do you want, sirs?"

"We're from the CCG. We have reports that claim you to be a suspect of being a ghoul. If we could have some medical conformation, then--"

A noise. 

Loud noises.

Things were being broken. He could hear pots and pans falling. Crashes. The floor lightly shakes beneath him. He wants to move, but everywhere hurts and his bones are broken.

All he could do was lay there in panic as his body doesn't respond to his desperate pleas.

After all that noise, it becomes quiet a few minutes after. Who won? Kaneki felt anxiety fill his gut every passing second in anticipation muddled in fear.

"That was too easy. Couldn't even put up a fight."

He felt his stomach drop in despair.

"Well, why do you think they sent low ranking officers like us?"

The two men made their way inside the hallways. Kaneki panicked, he tried to move, but his leg was broken. His patella bone was considerably cracked from being thrown around.

Footsteps.

Panic and dread filled Kaneki. He wants anything, anyone to save him. He wants to cry out, but he's frozen stiff, speechless.

He forces the fear down. His arms were still mobile, albeit a bit sore from the bruises he's got. He had a chance to live. His hands clutch the floor and he drags himself towards his father's desk.

He'll hide underneath the desk. His arm muscles disagree with him and they start hurting, but he ignores it. He's dealt with worse. He forces himself underneath his desk, bring his legs to his chest.

It's cramped in there and his leg hurts. His kneecap is broken, so him bending his leg hurts even more than it should.

He lets out a slight whimper.

The footsteps got louder and louder until they stop. Kaneki holds his breath.

The door opens and Kaneki freezes. The men walks inside the room and look around for a brief moment.

"Didn't she have a son? We checked everywhere, but he isn't here."

"Must've escaped or something. I'm not going to look for him all day. Just pick up the woman's corpse and go. We'll just say he escaped while we were fighting woman or something."

"This is why you're still a third rank officer, you know. Laziness is going to be the death of you."

"Whatever. Pay's complete shit compared to the others, but the jobs are easy."

"Come on, let's go."

They go out the door and leave Kaneki alone. Some more noises and the door closes behind them. Kaneki stays hidden for the desk for a little longer.

He stays and stays and stays, and it beens dawn. His bones are healed by now and his bruises are gone. And yet, the feeling of terror, emptiness, despair, they still remain.

Tears form and it blurs his vision. Kaneki cries. He cries and cries.

He's all alone.

He clenches his hands into a fist and just cries more.


	2. Chapter 2

His feet were cold and numb as he miserably laid underneath the table, his whole posture downcast. Kaneki had stopped crying by now and at this point, he was only laying on the floor dejectedly, mind blank and the only thing he could register was his misery.

One minute passed. Five minutes passed. An hour passed. He just laid there.

Finally, he forced himself out of the table. He got up and almost toppled over at the sudden weight on his legs. His bones were fully healed and despite being a bit sore, he was able to walk around. His bruises had healed as well, any signs of abuse his mother had unleashed on him were gone and he looked as pale as the day he was born. 

Kaneki walked out of the room hesitantly and into the small cramped living room, heart pounding loudly against his rib cage.

He almost didn't want to look, to stop reality. He stopped at the door frame of the living room and forced himself to look.

What laid before his eyes was a mess. 

Broken dishes tossed around, the walls were completely ruined, the door was hanging by a thread, furniture was thrown around and...

The blood. 

So much of it. Blood splattered on the walls, stretching as far as to the bathroom door, and the pool of blood on the floor. 

Kaneki wanted to cry, but he stopped himself. Instead, he clenched his hands into a tight fist and stared vacantly at the ground. 

He didn't know what to do. He couldn't protect himself. He was only eight. He didn't even have a kagune yet. He felt lost and hopeless, just standing there.

He walked over to the pool of blood, melancholy filling his heart as he gritted his teeth.

In the middle of the sea of blood, there was an object sticking out. Carefully not to fall in the pool of blood, Kaneki reached out for the object. 

He pulled back and glanced at it. 

Her glasses. One of the lense was cracked and it was covered in blood. This time, no matter how much he resisted the urge to cry, he did cry. 

He would never see her again. Never hug her, feel her familiar touch, her gaze. His tears landed on the bloodied glasses. Sniffling, he shakingly clutched the glasses.

He hugged it close to his heart and gripped it so tightly, it threatened to snap under the pressure. 

He wished she had lived.

Lived with him happily. Just with him. Not Aunt Ayu, just Kaneki, his mother, and his father, as a big happy normal family. 

He closed his eyes and dreamed. Dreamed his dad was still alive.

He pictured what he'd be like.

Tall, kind, caring, smelling faintly of oaky trees, the same familiar scent of his books. He and his mother would smile, be happy, and Kaneki would be given all the food he wanted, all the love he wanted.

He opened his eyes and the dream disappeared.

Instead, a pool of blood was in front of him. He glared at the blood, as if his hate alone would rid of the iron smell.

He wiped his tears with the sleeve of his shirt. He didn't know what to do now. 

He had no mother, no food, nothing. Just an orphan. 

"--just a low-rank ghoul. What's her house going to do? Magically lead us to the answer of how to kill all the ghouls?" 

Someone was coming here. The sounds of footsteps heading up the stairs rang loudly for Kaneki to here. The officers-- or rather their friends-- were coming.

Kaneki held his breath. He pocketed the glasses as he quickly dashed for the bathroom door and closed it behind him. His heart beated loudly against his ribcage as he listened on, despite the voices being slightly muffled from the door.

"C'mon. Boss said to scourge the place, so we will. Besides, it's a break from paperwork."

"Damn, it's a downright mess. You would've thought Ryuu would've learned to be a bit more cleaner with his clean-freak tendancies."

He had to leave. Fast.

"You go check one of the room. I'll look in the kitchen."

His eyes looked at any form of escape path in the bathroom. The only means of escape was a window that looked quite tiny. He prayed to god he'd fit as he flipped a plastic wash bin over, stood on it with shaking legs and attempted to pry open the window.

It hadn't been open for a long time so it was difficult, not to mention, dust sprayed all over his face. He had to stop to cough and rub his eyes every so often. 

But he managed to open after a few more attempts. His hand grasped at the bottom of the window.

He paused. Leave his father's books, the familiar crook and nape of this place, and leaving-- his mother. It felt as if he was really going to disconnect with her if he left. 

Maybe he should stay and let himself be caught. He'd be with his mother and everything would be fine once again. 

The glasses in his pocket felt warm against his skin. His heart clenched.

He had to go somewhere. Anywhere.

He lifted himself up and fit through the bathroom window easily, due to his small build, and was met with a brick wall. 

He was scared. They were on the fourth floor so it was a big fall. He was hesitant to do so. Perhaps he could go back. Let himself get captured and let them take him in. It would be far more easier than this fall.

"Nothing here."

"Check the door next to the couch then. I'm a bit occupied right now."

Kaneki took a deep breath and let go, letting himself plummet to the ground.

He closed his eyes and seconds passed, the expectation of the ground to hit him, the feeling off the wind pushing against him, pain would soon--

Pain did come. It's as if luck had shone upon him after years of being lucky.

He fell into a bush. He almost wanted to laugh with hysteria at the situation. A rather sharp, throny bush, as he was covered in scrapes. 

No worries there, they'll just heal. 

Kaneki looked at the bathroom window for the last time, far up the wall, and without looking back, he ran.

***

It's been three weeks and the soles of his shoes were practically falling apart. 

He's been wandering in whatever direction he pleased. He passed through familiar stores and houses and was now stranded in a busy street, confused as to where he was.

He's been getting by decently enough through what his mom taught him. 

Suicides.

The corpses were half-rotting by the time he got there, but he forced himself to stop himself from throwing up and go after flesh that hasn't been infested with maggots. It was disgusting and tasted revolting. If he was able to taste spoilt beef, this would be the exact taste. 

The first few times, he vomitted from the sight of maggots coupled with the taste and smell. But overtime, he's grown desensitized to it. He imagines there's no maggots wiggling around and the taste is like fresh meat. 

And he eats.

At this point, he's just eating to fill his stomach and not go mad with hunger. 

But lately, the cliffs were getting fewer the further he walked. The more he walked, less trees and cliffs, more cities and people. 

He had to keep moving. He's paranoid that the investigators might recongize him as his mother's son. He's moving as far as he could, he's walking far away from everything he once knew.

He was used to being in his isolated little village. He knew every local, was friends with everyone of his neighbors, and got free candy from Mrs. Aizawa's shop if he helped with the sweeping. And here, he couldn't tell one face to another. 

He was a lost kid running around, unsure of his destination.  

* * *

Kaneki was hungry, scared, and in the ninth ward. 

To rephrase the sentence; he was going to either starve to death or be killed. 

He hadn't planned on ending up in the ninth ward. After weeks of walking and hitchiking rides by sneaking onto buses, he somehow ended up here. 

And how he regretted it.

It wasn't only the Doves he had to worry about (and there was an abundance of them), but the ghouls. They were highly territorial about their eating spots.

The ward was known for being dangerous, with an increase of ghouls, so the lack of humans was one thing. People on the poorer side inhabited this ward and for that reason, competition for food for ghouls was high.

It was survivial of the fittest. And you had a lot to lose if you were weak.

Kaneki was exactly that. Weak. He could barely hunt and he was a scavenger of sorts, eating whatever leftovers he could find on the street.

Kaneki was at the bottom of the food chain. Meaning, he had to join a group if he wanted to survive. But the fact of the matter is, he's a ten year old who doesn't even have a kagune yet.

He can't even leave this place because it's under Dove's strict watch. Whoever leaves the place will definitely be questioned by investigators and there's a chance they might catch him.

So Kaneki bares with the battlezone.

It's a hunt or be hunted. 

Today, as he walks through the alleyways, looking for refugee from the rain, today he was being hunted. 

It's not unusual to have people walking about during night. There's ghouls looking for prey, muggers, or the usual poor people working well into midnight for money. 

It's russian roulette to see what kind of people you get. 

Today, Kaneki plays russian roulette as he walks, clicks the trigger and ends up with a bullet in his head. 

Bandits. Three of them, hiding out in an alleyway. As he walks by, they jump at him.

He's run into more than a fair share of them, as it was the ninth ward, but due to his small figure and years to running away on the streets, he's too quick and agile for them.

But today, he's hungry. He hasn't eaten for a month and he's feeling faint from the lack of food. He's considerably slower now and a bandit managed to grab him.

His hand holds a knife and the other hand slithers over his mouth to prevent him from screaming for help.

"Move or I'll put this through your throat."

Kaneki can heal easily, but if the knife went through his throat, he could choke on his own blood and die or maybe he'd be fully decapitated. Scenarios played throughout his head, fear clouding his mind.

The bandit holding a knife to his throat reels him into the alleyway, away from the eyes of the people. Now it's him and the bandits.

The bandits are humans, evident from the fact they smell so good.

Kaneki wanted to eat them, the hunger growing stronger with the smell of them. But he's weak. He doesn't have hunter skills, so no matter how much he wants to eat them, he can't. He can only wish and endure. 

He can't help, but have a moment of self-deprication as his eyes steel in on the knife. He can't even fight against his prey. How pathetic. 

Even now, fear is festering in his gut. He read discarded newspaper on the streets, usually to check the date, but there's a lot of murders, especially in places like the eleventh and ninth ward. He prays to god he doesn't become another face on the newspaper.

"Check him for any pocket money."

Hands reach for his pockets. When they retreat, they hold his mother's glasses. 

Kaneki's stomach drops.

"Just some stupid glasses. It's broken anyways," One of the bandits snorted. He easily crushed it with his hand and threw it behind him.

The only memento of his mother.

He wants to scream, but he's too scared and the bandit still is covered his mouth with a knife to his throat. 

The bandit that currently held Kaneki snorted. "Well, it's the ninth ward. Everything's shit here. Kid's probably homeless. Look at him."

"Should've gotten after the lady with that diamond ring," The last one of them groaned.

The first bandit shrugged at the two, his fingers pushing into Kaneki's skin deeper than before. "Whatever, let's just kill him. He's useless anyways."

Kaneki tenses up in the bandit's hands. He wants to run, but he's stiff frozen.

"Whoa, wait--" One bandit pipes up.

The last one turns towards the first. 

"I heard the black market buys organs for a good price. Kid looks diseased, but  _some_  organ's got to be in good condition."

"You sure? I mean, he's just a kid," The bandit that had been hesitant spoke up once more. 

"Jesus, Eiji. Man up already. You've killed before. Besides, kid's going to be worth quite few thousands. 

The hesitant bandit had been hesitant, but at the prospect of money, easily complied. "Alright."

Kaneki had been placing his hope onto the bandit, praying that he'd change their mind, but now, it was useless. 

And at that time, his paralyzed state forced himself to attempt to pry out of the man's hands that grabbed him tightly. 

He tried biting the hand, kicking the man behind him in the shins. The man had been surprised at the sudden pain and relaxed his hold on him for a second, but Kaneki used the second to push the arm with the knife against his throat away and make a dash for it.

There was a fence at the other side, the man with the knife blocked the other exit, but if he could climb the fen--

But there were two others. Two with knives. As he runs, one of them grabs at him. He's a starving child and they're two grown men who's been in this business for god knows how long.

As he runs, he feels a hand grab roughly at his leg and pulls. He promptly falls onto the ground, face first. His nose is probably broken and his face is bound to bruise. 

He flinches in fear and cries out in pain. 

"Break his legs," The one with the knife shouts. 

Adrenaline, unfortunately, doesn't show up. All he's left with is a hand covering his mouth to muffle his screams as one of them twists and pulls at his leg. 

Finally, a snapping sound reaches Kaneki's ears and he screams louder than before.

It hurts, it  _hurts_. He can't breathe-- the pain's too much-- he clenches his fist and all thought abandons him. It hurts too much to think.

The pain was too much for him to bare and he cries. 

"He can't move now. Alright, kill him."

"But the organs could go bad," One of them makes a face. 

"We'll pick up an ice cooler on the way, keep it nice and fresh." The first bandit says. "Besides, we'll be caught if he's screaming during the whole ride. Kid's got a set of lungs on him. Lungs that'll be worth thousands. Come on Eiji, use your knife for something useful."

The bandit who had previously vetoed against his death looked at his limp form with pity and a little regret tinted in his eyes. "Sorry, kid. Don't take it personally. I'll make it swift."

He crouched down, lifted Kaneki's head by his hair and aimed it at his neck. 

Kaneki felt a mix of emotions as he silently cries. Limp and given up hope that he'll live.

Fear. For clinging onto death's door as the knife drove far into him.

Anger. Anger at him and the bandits. For being so weak, for letting them take something of his mother's. 

Regret. He wished he could've done something right instead of wandering around and eventually meeting his death like this. 

It's a clean cut against his throat and Kaneki practically doesn't register it, just the pain. It was like a papercut, yet a thousand times worse. But he couldn't speak or scream. His mouth was filled with blood. 

He lets his head fall to the floor and his vision slips. Sounds around him get fainter.

He'll accept it. He'll meet his mom. So he gently closes his eyes and--

"Fuck, he's a damn ghoul."

His eyes snap right back open and his senses feel amplified. Strange. He was sure he was feeling farther away from reality earlier. 

He forces him arms up to grasp at his throat. It was bloody and sticky, but he couldn't feel the wound. It was closed up.

He looked upwards. Three faces that were shocked, scared, panicked, a range of emotions. Kaneki sat there, staring at them. 

There was a silence between the four of them. The three bandits inched away, yet being parallel from the exit, they hit the fence.

They looked unlike the predators before and exactly like the prey that they were.

The back of Kaneki's shirt ripped open.

Kaneki was hungry. 

***

The last one was working up a sweat and panting heavily. Kaneki frowned at the excess oils covering him, due to sweat. 

As his kagune shot out, the bandit's last ditch effort was to grab a knife and fling it at him. Kagune's left kagune shot foward and swung in front of him. The knife bounced off the kagune and clattered uselessly on the floor.

The remaining bandit looked at his dead friends before letting out fresh tears. But Kaneki paid no mind to that. He ignored the begs and the pleas. 

His kagune ripped through the man and ceased his wailing at once. 

Silence. 

He retracted his kagune and he fell to the floor. When it retreated, Kaneki watched the scene before him.

He looked at the corpses in front of him in surprise and horror. He killed them. He just drove a kagune inside them. He did that.

He's a murderer. 

He forced himself to eat maggot infested corpse, he starved himself for days, he endured intense hunger, all for the sake of not becoming a murderer.

He's killed a human-- no, three.

But they were going to kill him, weren't they? This was alright, wasn't it? Kaneki forced himself to agree, despite the doubt in his head.

 _That's right, their fault_ , Kaneki reasoned.  _They brought that upon themselves. They had it coming._

Guilt flooded Kaneki as he stared at a corpse.

But did they really deserve it?

But he had no time to contemplate it because he's suddenly walking towards their corpses and eating them.

It's delicious. He's eating a feast, three bodies.

One body is probably enough to revive his strength, but he can't stop. It tastes so delicious.

He strips them to the bone, each and every last one of them.

It's delicious. 

When he's done, he's full and fighting the urge to vomit. He looks at the pile of bones and leftover flesh, clinging on the bone. 

_"Ken, it's better to be hurt than to others. Nice people can be happy with just that. You're a nice boy, aren't you?"_

He could feel a phantom kagune pinning him down, cracking his bones, brusing him. He unconsciously lifts a hand to his neck and lightly grasps it.

He could feel the tight hands choking him. 

He's really a revolting person, isn't he?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> kaneki's kagune, regeneration, etc are the same as canon bc im uncreative. thats why it was said last chapter how his regeneration is better than most bc it is in canon.
> 
> the 9th ward is part of the rise of aogiri, a fuck ton of investigators were killed there. i planned on kaneki to be recruited as one of the lower subordinates. so bam, he's in aogiri tree
> 
> also thanks for 29 kudos, omg thats a lot more than i expected


	3. Chapter 3

_Clank_

The sound rang loudly over the quiet abandoned construction site. 

His kagune hit the rows of empty cans all lined up perfectly. The cans split into halves and all there were left were toppled over halves of cans.

Since Kaneki had managed to summon his kagune on that particular day, he started practicing with his kagune through various exercises in his free time, which he had plenty of nowadays. By now, controlling his kagune was as easy as breathing to him.

He smiled proudly as he watched his handiwork, the sliced cans scattered over the place. 

The use of his kagune allowed him to prowl the streets, not the defenceless child that he once remembered himself to be. The streets seemed less dangerous and he, for once, felt safe, no matter how small the feeling was. 

Not to mention, he had recently ate. His hunger was curbed for a few more weeks before he had to go body searching again.

A human had been an unfortunate victim of a street robbery, tangled in a fight that managed to get him stabbed in the chest, bleeding his guts out.

Kaneki had been lucky that he had been conviently close to the area where the murder took place. He was the first one to grab at the human before anyone else smelled him. It was a fresh new corpse and he thoroughly enjoyed the maggot-free corpse.

That was what he was now.

A scavenger.

He looked for food without killing them himself.

He tried to refrain himself from killing humans, it was only when he needed to, but of course, that didn't lift his guilt conscience.

Kaneki walked over to the cans and picked them up before flipping them over. He'll try again with the size of half the cans and double the number.

Target practice seemed to be the only thing keeping him sane nowadays. Kaneki nostalgiaclly remembered the days where he didn't have to worry about keeping himself sane and not ending up as dead corpse on the streets.

He missed his old life, his mom, and he missed his father's bookshelves full of literature. He wistfully remembered the feel of the books against his skin, the smooth feel, and tried recalling a few of the books and titles before sighing.

He better get back to target practice.

As he started to slowly back away from the rows of cans, shouts suddenly ripped into the air from the background. Surprise filled Kaneki as the screams startled him, but he waved it off, trying to ignore it. Just another unlucky victim of a ghoul, nothing unusual.

But what _was_ unusual was as thr seconds passed, multipld screams and shouts rang through the air. Kaneki looked around, trying to identify the problem. More screams, a few shouts here and there. Alarmed, Kaneki tried to make sense of the situation.

It seemed like it was total chaos. Struck with curiousity that muddled with unease, Kaneki walked over the area the sound had, and currently was, coming from. 

He sprinted and as he got closer to the source, he passed frantic people running the opposite direction. Not just any people--  _ghouls._  He recongized quite a few of them from their midnight patrols, looking for food.

What could possibly be making ghouls run the other direction? The ghouls that were at the top of the food chain, especially in this ward?

He looked ahead and got his answer. Dark red cloaks and the haunting mask.

Aogiri Tree. 

And so many of them. 

Kaneki feels himself growing cold. One of the uprising ghoul organization. If you're a lone group such as Kaneki and most ghouls here, you either get recruited or killed. If  _this_  many people were in the group, he wasn't going to take a chance.

They were a group that fought against the Doves. The rumors all over had been of crazy stories of Aogiri and if Kaneki was any sane ghoul with self-preservation kicking in, he'd run. 

So with buckled knees, he turned around and cowardly ran. He tried to blend in with the crowd and save himself. Aogiri either meant death or being a slave to them. 

Unfortunately, he's Kaneki Ken. He could win the lottery and lose the ticket, because his luck always seemed to be at its lowest. The crowd had pushed and rushed through, leading Kaneki to momentarily lose his balance, he tried regaining his balance, hut it was too late.

He tripped and fell, watching helplessly as the crowd went by him. He cursed himself for being curious and walking towards this place, and quickly forced himself up.

But not quick enough.

There was a flash of movement as someone manuvered in front of him.

It was one of the Aogiri members that donned the usual attrie of generic red cloak and skeletal-like mask.

Kaneki felt his heart freeze when the direction the Aogiri looked at turned to gaze over at him, or rather he thought it was him. He couldn't tell, not with the mask covering his face. But his guess was proven correct when the ghoul started to walk over to him, the cloak being rustled as he did so. 

"A young ghoul in the ninth ward is rare. Do you have a kagune?" The voice was a bit muffled behind the mask, but all the same, it was authorative and Kaneki couldn't help, but quake in his clothes and obey to his demands.

He nodded in response, heart feeling as if it was popping out of his chest with tredipation and nervousness. 

"Show me."

And with every ounce of fear urging him to hurry, in a split second, his kagune shot out, like a pair of wings behind him. 

He glanced at the masked man to see his reaction, but he couldn't see anything behind that emotionless mask. Fear, all he feels is fear, but he can't act on it. All he can do is was feel his heartbeat against his ribs, tredipation crawling at him. 

And all he can do is feel.

The feeling of hanging off a cliff, just waiting to be pushed. The feeling of being chased. 

The feeling of dying. 

He waits for the finishing blow that'll soon await him and end his pitiful life. Life filled with blood and tragedy. Death's doors await him and he's ready to pry open the once-shackled door, and go through. 

But of course, even death doesn't come easy to him. 

What he gets is a sudden movement and in a blink, a blue kagune shoots out of the other's back and heads straight for him.

It's quick and fast, but nothing that he isn't used to, living out here. Cannibalism isn't unusual if there were more ghouls than humans. 

He's seen the sharp movement of kagune and instinctively, his own kagune shot out and it halted the movements of the other from gouging a hole into his stomach. Fuck.

He's really going to get it now. He braced himself for a even harsher attack. The man plants a foot on his chest, making it harder to breathe. 

The kagune is going to hurt so badly--

Instead the man simply replied, "Alright for a kid. I suppose you can come serve us. We need all the manpower we can get." The man crooked a finger at Kaneki's limp figure. 

"Follow me."

His feet lifted from Kaneki's bruised chest. He could feel breath reaching his lungs easier as he took a deep gasp of breath greedily. 

The man said nothing at Kaneki, just gave him a deep scrutinizing look that made Kaneki uncomfortable as he got up from the ground, bruises already turning a shade lighter than before, healing himself.

Abrubtly, the man turned around, cloak flowing behind him as he walked. Wordlessly, Kaneki obediently followed him, although practically running after his long strides. 

"I am Abe and you, little one, will be part of Aogiri Tree. We must hurry and join the others to not be left behind."

* * *

It's his sixteenth birthday and he's spending it on clean up duty. 

Well, he was either training, doing raids, or doing cleaning anyways. He's used to this type of repetitive and monotonous lifestyle.

He tediously carried the supplies towards the door before setting the buckets of water and rangs down on the floor. Gingerly, Kaneki pressed a ear to the door and strained to hear any sound of screams or chainsaws.

Nothing. 

He listened for a little more to make sure. Last time he made the mistake of being careless and came in screaming and had opened the door while the torture was still in session. He had recieved a horrible gash on his side and a hole in his cloak. Not to mention, he had spent some time in the bathroom vomitting as he remembered the gorey sight. 

After making sure the session really was over, he grasped the door handle, turning it so it reached nintey degrees before shifting his weight on the door and cautiously opening it. 

The room was spacious, with dark red walls in a cage-like pattern, a dark tone as there weren't many lights around the place, and a black-and-white checkered floor. 

Well, black-and-white and red. 

In the middle was a ghoul tied to a chair, limp and seeming sickly with an unnatural pallor to his face. His legs were a raw pink from the amount of skin cut. Red littered the place like puddles and if Kaneki looked closely, in the puddles of blood, he could see some small body parts and flesh. 

He'd never end up there. Ghouls severing under Jason don't get tortured. He'd never experience the pain that he's seen so many ghoul underneath Jason's sadistic nature go through

But if there weren't any ghouls that Jason had to torture, he  _might_  possibly he chosen as victim...

He shook the thought out of his head. It was never going to happen. Shoving the frightening thoughts out, he lifted the bucket and rag and walked through the door frame and into the room. He walked until he was stationed right besides Jason.

Jason stood in front of the chair, chainsaw in hand, giving off a meancing look. He looked ever so intimidating with his mask, covered in blood splatters. His whole clothes were covered in blood and his chainsaw was still dripping bright red. 

Kaneki turned to the ghoul and noticed his hand was completely severed. It definitely wasn't a clean cut. It looked as if a few hacks had to be done to get it completely sliced off.

"Make sure to clean up thoroughly," Jason greeted Kaneki, "I want to make things just right for our next session."

He shot a malicious smirk at the ghoul. Despite being weak and drained of energy, the ghoul still squirmed in his seat uncomfortably.

Understandable when you've just got your hand chopped off by said guy. 

Kaneki bowed at him to show his agreement before Jason promptly turned around and walked towards the door, his quiet footsteps echoing in the quiet room. He watched Jason's back become smaller and smaller, fainter and fainter until he went through the door and it slammed shut behind him loudly.

He reached out for the rag and dipped it into the bucket of water, the dirty white turning into a darker shade as it soaked up the water. Kaneki wordlessly lifted it up and walked over the limp-like figure and started wiping off the blood on his legs with the rag. 

The guy raised his brows and looked at him in slight surprise and confusion, but he didn't say anything. He looked too weak to even move, let alone question him. 

Kaneki said nothing in return. He just continued wiping off the blood. 

"What's your name?" Kaneki asked, giving the ghoul a faint smile. 

The ghoul said nothing. Probably too weak to talk. Kaneki didn't say anything about it, he just cleaned the blood off and attempted to soothe his pain a smuch a possible with the warm water. 

He wasn't able to disinfect the wounds as he should, seeing that ghouls were able to regenerate, but were still suspectible to illnesses as they couldn't just regenerate illnesses away.

But Jason would notice something if he did.

He did that for a few more minutes before finishing cleaning off all the blood and started cleaning the floor.

In the middle of his cleaning, the door opened loudly, the sound of a creaking hinge echoing loudly.

Jason held a grimance-like smile that made Kaneki shiver beneath his mask.

He held a machete.

"Oh? Still haven't finished? Always so slow Kaneki. I wonder what's keeping you?" He said it as if he knew Kaneki was cleaning his wounds.

He hoped not. 

"Well, it doesn't matter. We'll just have to coat the old blood with new blood. Shall we?"

Kaneki took it as his cue to get out. He shot one last look at the victim before grabbing his cleaning supplies and running out the door.

And a few minutes later, Kaneki brought the rags and bucket inside once more.

For the last time.

Jason looked proud of the mangled mess. He almost wanted to kill him and run away simultaneously. 

He opted to stay quiet. 

He looked at the half-eaten corpse. Pieces of flesh and muscle were torn apart and parts of him were stripped to the bone. Besides him was his left leg-- or rather, what remained of his left leg. It was bone with tendons still sticking on to it. 

It smelled horrible. Ghouls don't smell as appetizing as humans do, despite looking the same. Coupled with the fact that it was a corpse, Kaneki tried not to get dizzy.

After all, he's used to the smell of rotting corpses. He did live off of it once. 

He closes his eyes and tries to ignore it. He stands there for a few seconds before doing his job. He gets on his knees, dunks the rag into the bucket and starts cleaning.

Jason is still here. He stands in the doorway, still lingering, watching him. Just as he was about to leave, he stops and adds an afterthought. "Don't go around cleaning wounds anymore. Or you'll be the one with wounds getting cleaned.  _Kaneki_."

Kaneki scrubs the floor with such intesity he feels like the rag would tear.

"...Yes sir.." Kaneki said, practically whispering.

* * *

Perhaps in another life, Kaneki could've been a doctor. Or a teacher. He would've studied hard to get into a good school, have a good future, and meet a lovely lady and make a loving family. 

In another life, he would've been human.

But as he's bleeding from the numerous cuts, blood mixed in with his own and blood of others, he knows that he's Kaneki Ken, a ghoul. A despicable being that feeds on others.

A  _monster_. 

Kaneki looks behind him after a long distance from his initial spot. No one. He had escaped well into the woods, the trees blocking everything in sight for them. 

Kaneki lets out his relief, hysteria catching up to him as he laughs. He's free. He's escaped them. He laughs and laughs, feeling a bubbling feeling in his stomach and deep gut-wrenching gasp that clot his throat and hurt his sides.

He coughs and falls backwards, onto a field of grass.

He was alive.

And he was sick and tired of it. All this fighting, all his death.

He didn't want to do this anymore. He wanted to curl up and just read books. He never asked for this. 

And suddenly he wasn't alone. The Doves were persistent, chasing after him like an angry mob. He instantly shot up and looked at them running towards him.

He, once again, sprinted. 

Ghouls and humans were both at fault. All this fighting. All this madness. 

And he was  _angry_. 

At who? 

He didn't know. 

He lashed out. It wasn't like any of his hunger pangs, one where he went insane for food. He was perfectly aware of everything and he could control himself.

But at the same time, it was as if he was on auto-pilot. He notices the kagune weapons going after him, he proccesed it and without thinking, he deflected it.

And all he could think about was killing them. 

Bloodlust, murder, kill, blood-- Thoughts running in his head. Anger filled his chest and the urge to see someone suffer anchored into him. 

He dodges, kicks, his kagune strikes whoever gets near him and all he can focus on his adrenaline and the fight. 

He looks at the casualities. 

Just another number. 

Aogiri Tree didn't care about him. They sent him on this suicidial mission. 

They never cared about the ghouls themselves, did they.

He thinks back to Jason. How he cannibalized ghouls to get stronger. They didn't care about ghouls being able to live freely, did they.

How Aogiri Tree handled the ghouls as if they were fractions of pennies to use at their disposal for their fight against Doves. 

Kaneki looks at the corpses scattered around his feet once again.

He'll take their necks and snap it with his bare hands. Strike them down with his kagune.

He'll kill them himself. 

Who?

He didn't know.

* * *

 

He reports back to Aogiri Tree and his rank status grows higher for taking on this dangetous mission single-handedly.

Kaneki gets placed directly under Jason as his subordinate a day later.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> reasons why kaneki is gonna be strong in this fic  
> -he has rize's powers  
> -he trained with aogiri tree  
> -in anime, something big happened to change him. in this fic, it builds up. like jason killing ghouls, the bandits snapping his glasses 'n shit and then he just reaches his breaking point
> 
> reasons why ayato is aged up:  
> -i thought he and touka were twins, he was just the younger twin. now i found out he's not, i'm not changing it


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> whole chapter in ayato's pov

"Kirishima Ayato, was it?" Kaneki asked, stopping in his tracks, giving him a wide smile. Ayato's eyes briefly flickered to the cup of coffee in his hands and back to his face.

"I heard you personally got scouted by Tatara, himself. Welcome to Aogiri Tree."

When Ayato first heard the scattered rumors, he didn't know what he expected of the infamous Black Reaper. The fearsome ghoul that was S-Rank on the Doves' ghoul list, someone who worked directly under "Jason". Said ghoul who had killed over hundreds of Doves.

He expected somebody with an intimidating presence like Tatara, maybe someone psychotic or spiteful. You'd have to be insane to work under someone like Jason, after all.

He did  _not_ , however, expect to find a kind-hearted boy who offered him coffee and quite literally beamed when he saw him. 

Kaneki Ken looks thin and fragile, as if he'll crumble into nothing with one touch. He looks as if he's a vulnerable human, not a man-eating ghoul in a fearsome organization such as Aogiri. 

For the better part of the time spent in Aogiri, he ignores Kaneki. He completely disregards his presence and lashes out whenever he talks to him. The very mention of Kaneki irks him enough to make him angry.

Kaneki is weak. 

Despite being in the higher ranks, he helps out with cleaning duty, he mingles with the lower ranks, he reads stupid human literature, he offers coffee to anyone who asks, he hates violence, and most importantly--

He reminds Ayato of his father.

He reminds him of his foolish, human-loving father. He'll never admit it, but the sight of Kaneki hurts him more than angers him. He reminds him of his dad too much for Ayato to talk to him. His temper is already short enough without Kaneki, the mere sight of him provokes his short-tempered outbursts.

And then he sees Kaneki in the battlefield. 

He sees a boy far from weak and nothing like his father. He's never resembled the fearsome ghoul he is called by everyone around him more than out on the battlefield.,

Kaneki fights like he's dancing, fluid motions and precise steps. His red Aogiri cloak, fastened tightly around him, flies around as he's all over the place with speed.

He doesn't spare anyone a second glance as his kagune shoots out like wings, piercing into anyone who comes near him. 

He's strong and threatening. Despite being so small, his bloodlust and presence is big enough to make people stop in their tracks. The kagune rips apart people into halves and Kaneki's Aogiri mask is painted with red. 

It almost shocks Ayato how the bloodthirsty ghoul that's ripping Doves into shred with such intense bloodlust can be the same softhearted Kankei as before.

Ayato almost fears him.

The fears disappears as soon as it appeared when he notices Kaneki crying after the fight, all by himself, struggling to stay upright. He's slumped over on a tree, feeling sorry for himself. 

Ayato internally smacks himself for ever fearing Kaneki, the very same ghoul that cried over killing humans.

Feeling remorse over humans. Ayato scoffed at the thought. 

Stupid human loving ghoul. 

But despite that, Ayato acknowledged that Kaneki was strong.

Of course Kaneki was immensely strong on the battlefield. Otherwise, he wouldn't have reached the rank he currently was.

He also acknowledged that Kaneki was a stupid idiot who let himself be stabbed for no reason. 

It had initially been planned as a simple mission with Kaneki that he had been roped into. And now, there was a weapon going through Kaneki's stomach.

Grimacing slightly, Ayato retracted his kagune from the body of the very same Dove who had stuck one of the CCG weapons five inches deep into Kaneki's stomach.

He turned his head away as the limp figure fell to the ground and looked at the struggling Kaneki, who seemed to be attempting to force himself up.

"Stay down," Ayato sharply ordered. 

Momentarily stunned by surprise at Ayato's voice, Kaneki glanced upwards at him and obeys as he stops his fidgeting as Ayato came towards his side, stopping just to the left of him. 

"You hesitated. You had him right there in front of you, but you stopped. Why?"

"I didn't want to kill him."

"You've never had a problem killing them before," Ayato curtly replied. 

"Well-- yes, but he looked sort of regretful. It made me--"

"Didn't stop him from sticking a rod into you, you idiot." He sighs at Kaneki's pathetic form. Just give me a second--" Ayato grasped at the end of the weapon before giving it a sharp pull.

It easily slid out with his ghoul strength and he threw it to the ground. It gave a loud clank, blood dripped from the end, making a puddle beneath it on the ground.

He could clearly see Kaneki attempting to keep silent through the movement, the only evidence of pain was him biting his lips in pain as he clutched at the hole from the place where the weapon had once been. 

"I don't think you're supposed to pull it out like that, Kirishima," Kaneki said, attempting a small smile through the pain. 

Ayato snorted. "What do I look like? Your doctor?"

Without warning, he crouched down and grabbed at Kaneki's sides, and promptly picked him up.

Stuunned by his actions, Kaneki said nothing as Ayato threw him over his shoulder, Kaneki giving a little "oof" in half surprise and half pain.

"And try not to bleed out all over my clothes while I'm carrying you." 

* * *

Kaneki manages to heal the wound. 

It's almost as if it was never there in the first place, Kaneki walks around, the only evidence of being stabbed was his soaked clothes. 

Ayato distractedly observes the bloody clothes that hung loosely on him as Kaneki walks through the hallways, only to catch Ayato's eyes.

"Ayato?" Kaneki asks, almost as if he's surprised to see him there. 

An understandable reaction.

He's sitting on the floor of the hallways. 

"What're you sitting on the floor for?" Kaneki questions him, standing in front of him. Kaneki's normally short, but feels like a looming presence, standing above him like that.

Ayato says nothing in response. He's woken up from a nightmare. Except it was more of a memory than a nightmare. The memory of the smell of blood and his father's corpse, fresh in his mind. He could still feel the copper smell and the screams coming from Touka and himself. 

Saying he had slumped outside of his room in fear and panic was too embarrassing to say.

Kaneki looks at him for a few seconds, giving him a contemplating and bemused look that makes Ayato want to glare at him. But he refrains from doing so when Kaneki sits next to Ayato on the floor, curtly taking his spot to the left of him. 

Despite being slightly staggered at the gesture, Ayato said nothing. He just lets Kaneki sit next to him and stays quiet, not bothering to make small talk.  

It's silent for the first few minutes, the only sounds were distant echos from elsewhere. 

"Hey, Kirishima, do you hate me?" Kaneki asked, breaking the heavy silence. 

"What the fuck are you saying?" Ayato bites out, giving a sideways glance at him in surprise.

"You always seem to avoid me or lash out at me. Do you?"

Ayato observes Kaneki's face, who seemed genuinely worried, as if Ayato's opinion of him mattered. He frowns and his head turns to face away from Kaneki to in front of him and he's silent for a few moments, letting the silence carry on for a few more seconds. 

"You remind me of my father." Ayato finally said, as his head hit the wall when he slightly slumped downwards.

"Stupid man who loved humans so much and ended up being killed by the very same people he loved. How pathetic is that," Ayato grimly chuckled, grimancing slightly. 

"I'm sorry to about your father," Kaneki replied.

Ayato turned his head to glance at the somber expression of Kaneki that replaced the expression that had been pleading just moments ago before he had told his story.

"I didn't tell you my life story for pity, you know," Ayato gritted and he clenched his fist, seething in slight anger. "So you can stop giving me that look."

"It's not pity," Kaneki said, as he looked away from his shoes and towards Ayato. In response, Ayato turned to face Kaneki and was met with an earnest look that was displayed on his face as he continued talking. "My mother was killed by humans too."

"Then why don't you hate humans? They're the reason you're an orphan," Ayato growled in a low voice that Kaneki had to strain to hear. 

"I don't."

"They took away your mother--"

"If I was born human, maybe I would've hated ghouls. Maybe I would've enjoyed the fact my mother got killed," Kaneki said, absentmindedly drawing imaginary circles on the floor with his finger.

"As a human, I fear ghouls. As a ghoul, I use humans. No one's better than the other."

"Then why did you cry when you kill? You said it yourself you're not their biggest fans."

"You saw that?" Kaneki flushed slightly and tried to look away in an attempt to hide his red face. "Well, killing is killing. It's always sad to kill someone, don't you agree?"

Ayato disagreed.  

Silence fell upon them as Ayato said nothing in response, only glaring daggers at his own fingers that rested limply on his legs. 

Kaneki leaned his head towards his right, his eyes glazing over the walls in front of him. "You didn't have to kill him, you know."

"I know. But I wanted to."

"Not all humans are bad."

"But they're not all so good to us either," Ayato snaps. 

"... Thank you for saving me."

Ayato just makes a slight face at those words and his weight shifts onto the hand on the floor. "It wasn't for you. I just hate humans."

"Still. Thank you, Kirishima."

"Stop calling me that stupid surname. I'm Ayato. I'm nothing like my father."

Kaneki lightly chuckled at him as he glanced over to Ayato with the corner of his eyes. "Because you hate humans?"

"Because I hate humans," Ayato repeated back.  

"I hope you learn not to hate me too," Kaneki says, smiling as he got up from the floor, once again, looming over Ayato. 

This time Ayato stands up next to him. He briefly observes he and Kaneki are about the same height, despite the one year difference. 

"Whoever said I hated you. I just said you reminded me of my dad," Ayato said, rolling his eyes besides him.

Besides him, Kaneki beamed as if he had just given him the sun.

It resembled his dad's smiles, but at the same time, it was completely different from his.

Ayato decided he prefered this over his dad's.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> wE HAVE REACHED FRIENDSHIP TERRITORY
> 
> well, not really. it'll take ayato more than that to earn his spot as bff. no one can wear his friendship bracelet just like. 
> 
> also friendly reminder that more comment = more chapters, so write away ;)


	5. Chapter 5

Kaneki just barely manages to avoid the punch to the gut, but he manages to dodge to his right just before fist met his diaphram

He then starts to aim his elbow at Ayato's side as he passes him, attempting a jab, butfinds himself blocked by Ayato's sharp reflexes, an arm blocking his target. 

Quickly changing targets, Kaneki grabs the arm blocking Ayato's side and grips it tightly before wrenching it out and crooking it backwards. Or begins to crook it backwards anyways, as Ayato brings his leg up to swing at him and Kaneki easily lets go of his hold and dodges. 

Again, Ayato shot out his foot with intention to kick, but Kaneki swiftly avoids it this time by moving his head to the left and grabbing the leg.

Kaneki could twist it and render it useless. He could also pull the foot towards him and attack him while he's handicapped, but Kaneki didn't want to cause any throbbing pain, so he lightly let his tight grip loosen and Ayato manages to jump back away from him, landing a few feet away from him.

For awhile, there's an unsettling silence as none of them dare to move a muscle, only staring each other down with intense eyes. It goes on, until Kaneki breaks his stotic stature by loosening his tense muscles.

"You're really improving, Ayato," Kaneki said, smiling widely at him encouragingly. "Much better than last week."

In response, Ayato just glares at him, as if he had wronged him somehow. Though, he always had this expression plastered on his face on the daily, somehow, it made Kaneki pause from how intense it was. "Don't lie to me. You're holding back."

"What?" Kaneki gave him a wide doe-eyed look at his accusations. "I'm not, you've just improved--"

"You were about to land a strike on me, but you let your grip loosen on my ankles. I would've been hurt, but here I am unscatched," Ayato bites out, continuing to glare at him as he spreads out his arms, as if proving his point.

"T-That? I just didn't want anyone getting hurt when we're just--"

"I'm a ghoul. I  _heal_. You always do this," Ayato complains petulantly, his frustration seeping through, his expression visibly evident. 

"But, Ayato--" Kaneki tries to reason, his hands lifting up in an attempt to gesticulate his thoughts. 

Unfortunately for him, Ayato doesn't wait for him to finish, only giving a fustrated noise of disagreement and he was out the door of the training room, leaving Kaneki alone and standing there, bewildered. 

Sighing, Kaneki burrowed his hand in the nest of his hair and he simply decided to let the boy cool off. 

* * *

 Ayato comes back to see Kaneki scrubbing the floor with the lower ranked ghouls, partaking in small chatter with them.

"Un-fucking-believable," Ayato mutters underneath his breath, causing Kaneki to look up at him with curious eyes. 

Kaneki let go of the sponge in his hands as he lookes up and the other ghouls hesitantly walked away from them, unwilling to interrupt the two, especially with a parricularly pisses Ayato.

Immune to the threatening gaze Ayato sent towards him, Kaneki inquistively questioned, "What's wrong, Ayato?"

"Your--" Ayato paused to gesture at Kaneki's kneeling form, pointing at him with disbelief. "Your everything."

"M-Me? I, uh, I'm sorry for whatever I'm doing," Kaneki said, clearly disgruntled at his words. "Is there something I can do to fix it?"

Ayato groans, getting more fustrated by every word that came out of Kaneki's mouth. "No, you can't." Ayato threw up his hands in annoyance. "You won't ever fix that selfless and sacrifical side of yours because you're too good damn  _nice_."

Kaneki's nose wrinked. "Is that what's gotten you all angry? Me being too nice? Well, I'm not exactly an angel here, Ayato. I'm just helping out whenever I can. That's not being nice, it's just the right thing to--"

"Well it pisses me off."

At a loss for words, Kaneki looked down at his hands. It was still wet and soapy from the scrubbing he had done. 

"Listen, you're a damn ghoul, so act like one."

"Do ghouls  _have_  to act like their demon spawns? It's not a ghoul trait," Kaneki's hands were on the floor, hoisting himself up so he was eye-level to Ayato. He was barely taller than Ayato and yet, at the moment, it seemed like he were bigger than anything in the world. "We're all our own person, Ayato. Being a ghoul has nothing to do with that."

"Oh yeah? Who taught you that? Your mother? Loved ghouls and humans alike, just like my father, I bet. Loved you like you were her little sunshine," Ayato laughs sarcastically. 

Kaneki uncomfortably shifted at the mention of his mother.

"Please don't talk about my mother like that..." Kaneki trails off, looking down at his shoes as if it were putting on a show. 

Ayato was confused at those words. Kaneki looked as if he were in pain at the mention, but words kept spewing out of Ayato's mouth as if it didn't want to stop.

"Went around the neighborhood, baking cake to everyone and acting like some sort of Gabriel incarnate, hm? How was she to you? Did she powder you every few minutes, treat you like you were a--"

"Ayato, please," Kaneki paused in his words, voice cracking slightly. "Don't."

Kaneki's knuckles were pale white as he gripped them harshly. Ayato, wanting to antagonize him more, continued. "Tell me, what's wrong. You miss her? Miss her kisses or hugs? C'mon Kaneki, tell me about how--"

" _She hated me,"_ Kaneki shouted, leaving Ayato stunned for a fee moments at the outburst. "She hated me so much she'd be willing to hurt me. So please,  _don't talk about how much she loved me_."

A sniffle. He was crying. 

"I loved her, but I couldn't make her love me back. I don't know what's wrong with me, I just wanted to be  _loved_."

Ayato says nothing as Kaneki broke down in front of him. He still said nothing as Kaneki clutches his clothes and cried on him. Guilt filled his lungs and he found it difficult to breathe. For the first time, he was guilty for this stupid temper of his.

It's quiet for a few minutes until Ayato breaks the silence as he laughs at the irony of the situation. "Your mother was a fuck and yet you act like Mother Teresa, while I act like satan's spawn even though I had a stupid, human-loving father." He grips Kaneki's shirt, unable to tell him to scram or anything. All he could do is bring comfort to him by just standing there, awkwardly.

Frowning at those words, Kaneki shook his head in disagreement. He pulled away and wiped his tears, looling slightly bashful at his outburst. "You don't act like Satan's spawn." His breathing was uneven and frantic and it took effort to get his voice out. 

"Yeah, right."

"I think you're amazing, Ayato. I think you're an amazing person, I like you." His voice was still shaky from his tears, but he's considerably calmed don. 

"No, you like  _everyone_ , Kaneki. I'm just a kid with a shitty past, like every other ghoul, and anger issues. I just antagonized you to tears a fee minutes ago, did you forget?"  _I'm sorry_ , he thinks to Kaneki, not daring to say it out loud. 

Kaneki vocalized his disagreement. 

"I forgice you, becaude I like you, Ayato. I like you for who you are, your temper, your past, and everything. Please give me a chance," His voice was steady despite his slight inability to properly breathe after his frenzied cries. 

 _Too forgiving_ , Ayato thought as he looked at him with wide innocent eyes that were so quick to see the good in him. 

Kaneki grabbed onto Ayato's shoulders tightly and he gave him a look of stone resolve. For such a guy who reminded him so much of his father, he was definitely more passionate than him, as Ayato felt those eyes burning holes into him. 

"Please, will you be my friend?"

Ayato laughs. It's a tired and resigned laugh that sounds as if he's given in to Kaneki. 

He looks at the tear-stained cheeks of Kaneki, the bright shining eyes of his, the redness of his eyes did nothing to stop how beautiful he looked. Ayato tossed that idea away as quick as it came.

"Alright. I'll give you a pass since you're cute," Ayato said, teasing fully evident in his voice as he smirked rather sadistically at Kaneki's sudden flush at those words. 

* * *

Touka glanced sullenly at the cup of coffee that was laid on the table in front of her. The cup was a rather expensive china, with intricate designs of golden vines, the dark liquid calming filling the expensive cup, swaying slightly everytime someone occasionally hits the table. 

If there was thing that Touka hated, it was rain. The melancholy feeling during a downpour, the dark atmosphere, and to the very individual drops of rain, she despised it.

Today, it was raining  _hard_.

The raindrops clashed loudly against the glass window and made small tapping noises everytime water hit glass. The cafe was near empty, thanks to the rain, and also thanks to the rain, Touka could afford the time to take a few more lunch breaks than usual. 

There's been more of a downpour than usual, after all, it was spring season.

Today was April 17th. 

It's been almost a year since Ayato left the calm residence of Anteiku. 

The days have started to have a bleak-like feel to them. Touka sighed as she turned around in the swivel seat. She no longer faced the coffee, but the window.

She didn't know what she felt towards Ayato, really. 

Worry? Anger? Sadness? Resentment?

It felt like it was all mixed in one. Why couldn't he have just stayed? She sighed once again. 

They were happy. The twentieth ward was so peaceful and quiet, away from what their old life used to be.

She was interrupted of her internal musings when the bell rang as Yoshimura entered the store. Cold blasts of wind and rain droplets filled the shop as the manager quickly closed the door shut behind him. 

He closed his umbrella before setting it down in the bin. He procceded to take off his coat and hat, hanging both of them on the coat rack and merrily walked to the counter where Touka sat. 

"Business slow today?" He inquired, giving Touka one of his usual smiles. He seated himself on one of the chairs besides Touka. 

"Yeah. You're soaked."

"The wind was blowing harshly," The manager said patting down his wet sleeves.

I'll bring a towel." Touka stood up from her seat, leaving the cold coffee behind as she quickly headed to the stairs, the sounds of footsteps on stairs going fainter each time she came closer to the top. 

But before she even reached the top, the manager piped up, "Is it about Ayato?"

She abruptly stopped. She felt herself unconsciously grit her teeth at the mention of his name. "It's  _always_  him, isn't it."

"It's not easy being the elder sister," Yoshimura simply says.

"He chose to leave on his own." Touka's hand clings onto the staircase rail. "If he gets himself killed, it's his fault."

"You are the older sister," He calmly states as he lifts the cold cup of coffee that Touka left behind. He takes a sip and seconds later, sets it down. 

He makes a slight grimance. "Cold coffee." 

"What does me being an older sister have to do with anything? He sure as hell didn't care about it when he left," Touka sharly retorts, anger swelling up in her as she seethed. 

"What's an older sister's duty?" Yoshimura asks as he gets up from the seat. "I'll make some warm coffee. Would you like some?"

"I-- just forget it. I'll bring your towel," Touka says, sighing as she went up the stairs again.

Yoshimura looked at the coffee Touka left and grimanced as he faintly remembered the taste. He grabbed the handle of the cup, walked over to the sink and promptly dumped out it's contents.

It wasn't the fact that the coffee was cold that made him disgusted, it was that Touka had replaced the sugar with salt. 

It's been almost a year now as she still wasn't quite over Ayato. 

Yoshimura worried for her, really.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> very rushed but i wanted to get out a chapter after so long


End file.
